


Darlin' You Give Love a Bad Name

by ya_boi_hades (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Break Up, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Depressed Dean Winchester, Drinking, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Eventual Castiel/Dean Winchester, Internalized Homophobia, Multi, Post-Episode: s13e04 The Big Empty, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sam Winchester is So Done, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-01-04 14:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21199157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ya_boi_hades
Summary: After Castiel finally leaves Dean Winchester's ungrateful ass, both men hurt more than they thought possible.





	1. Chapter 1: The End

**Author's Note:**

> Haha okay so this chapter was a lil hard to write because I wanted to make it as close to the canon as possible, so sorry that it's so short! Let me know what you think in the comments! <3

“Something went wrong, you know this. Something always goes wrong!” Castiel exclaimed, frustrated.Dean wouldn’t grasp that this problem was out of their control, and that all Cas was doing was trying to help. That's all he wanted, to help the humans, for he so loved them. 

Dean never listened to him. Dean didn’t care that he was sent to hell, with no one caring in the slightest that he could be trapped in hell forever. Dean didn’t care that looking at this evil, demonic presence inside what was once Jack, hurt him more than he could ever know. Dean didn’t care that he had to destroy his son’s body after all of this. Cas’s heart maybe have been a mess, but he knew one thing: Dean simply didn’t care. After all Cas had risked for humanity, for Dean Winchester, he still didn’t care.

“Yeah well why does that something always seem to be you?” Dean locked eyes with Cas, realizing in an instant that he had really hurt Castiel. His words cut like knives through the angel he so loved, but God knows Dean was too angry, too hurt, to think about others. Dean’s rage could not be replaced by anything, not even sorrow. The silence between the two men was deafening.

“You used to trust me. Give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me.” Cas said, a morose smile on his face. Dean looked up at him, filling with a dark saddness, because Cas was telling the truth. Years ago, he felt he could trust Cas with anything. But after all of the heartbreak, Dean was mad. He was afraid of trusting others, especially after what Cas had caused.

“My powers are failing, and I’ve tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don’t want to hear it, you don’t care.” This was what hurt Cas the most. He used to tell Dean everything. How he felt, which Cas didn’t even fully understand. But God, Cas just wanted to talk to Dean. But he knew why Dean no longer trusted him. “I’m dead to you. You still blame me for Mary.”

That was also true. He did blame Cas for it, for it all. And he was angry. 

“Well I don’t think there’s anything left to say.” Said Cas, finally. Castiel turned around. He was done being Dean Winchester’s emotional punching bag, done being played like a fool.

“Where you going?” Asked Dean.

“Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it’s time for me to move on.” And at this moment, Dean finally understood what he had done. Castiel wasn’t just hurt, he was done. Done with how much Dean had hurt Cas, through Dean’s anger and pain. And he was leaving. They were over. The voice inside him, the voice that only ever spoke the truth, cried out to Dean, screaming, _no no no no please god no this can’t happen this wasn’t supposed to end like this_


	2. Chapter 2: Nothing Really Matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop this chapter is short again sorry. The next few will probably be on the shorter side too, as both Cas and Dean are still gonna be figuring out their emotions and what just happened.

Castiel stepped out of the bunker for the very last time. He took a deep breath of the cool air around him. The air filled his lungs, but it wasn’t the relieved breath of fresh air, no. It was sharp, painful, cutting through him, all the way to his heart. And he broke down.

Castiel loved Dean Winchester. He risked everything for him. He had died for Dean, to protect what he loved. More importantly, he lived for Dean. Regardless of how terrible he felt, how little he wanted to stay alive, he kept fighting. He kept fighting for Dean.

Of course, now he had accepted that Dean no longer wanted him. He was used like a tool, used for his powers. Now, his powers were failing, and he was useless to the Winchesters. There was no point in fighting anymore. No point in caring, in loving, or even feeling. This being said, Castiel was still a rather emotional angel. For someone that didn’t have a human soul, he was exceptionally in tune with his emotions. Castiel blamed this on Dean. And all he could feel was pain.

Castiel had no where to go. His brothers and sisters resented him. The only real family he’d ever had didn’t want him. Castiel no longer had a purpose. He had poured out everything to Dean, and Dean didn’t even try to help Cas. Deep down, Cas knew that all he wanted was for Dean to tell him to come back, that they needed him, that they loved him. But they didn’t.

So Castiel walked. He didn’t know where he was going, but that didn’t matter anymore. Nothing really mattered anymore. 


	3. Chapter 3: Getting Lost Within Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry kids another short chapter. But look at that! Dialogue! Action!

Dean, to say the least, was in shock. Castiel… just left? He was confused, and sad, and angry, and God it was too much. He cared so much for Castiel, but his anger overtook that. He lashed out, hurting Castiel, disregarding Cas’s emotions. Dean knew he blamed Castiel for Mary’s death, yes. He even blamed Cas for Rowena’s death. _But was it really his fault? What would you have done, Dean, if you were in the situations that Castiel had been put through?_

He walked over to the table to get another whiskey. And another. And another. In no time, the bottle was empty and he was searching for another bottle.

At this point, Dean couldn’t feel anything. No pain, sorrow, anger. An existence void of emotion.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Dean woke up sprawled across his bed. Everything was blurred, and he was incredibly disorientated. He didn’t remember anything after his second glass.

His head snapped around when he heard footsteps outside of his room. It slowly opened, revealing Sam standing in the doorway, holding a plate of waffles and bacon.

“Dean! You’re awake, it’s about damn time.”

“What time issit?”

Sam laughed. “It’s 11. What the hell happened, man? You look awful. Hey, where’s Cas?”

Unfortunately, this forced Dean to confront the events of last night. And his heart broke. “He left.”

“What happened? Did he find a case? Why didn’t-“

“No Sam. he left. Gone. Not coming back.” This hurt Dean more than he cared to admit.

“What do you mean? What happened?” asked Sam, throughly confused.

“God, just leave it. He left. That’s it.” Dean said, quietly.

“Okay. Fine. Here’s your breakfast. I’m here to talk if you want.” said Sam, suddenly worried for his older brother. He’d seen Dean after they lost Mary, and that paled in comparison to how he looked now. A shell of the man he was.

“Thanks, Sammy.” But nothing that his brother could do could make Dean feel better after what Castiel had made him realize. _Dean Winchester, you are a bad, bad man._


	4. Chapter 4: You've Stolen My Love, You Now Desert Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do research for this chapter!!! Wow!  
I have an essay to write but instead I did this so here we are

After hours of walking, possibly days, Castiel was utterly worn out and found himself in Minden, Nebraska. It was a small town, but the people seemed friendly enough. He first went into the diner. After a few minutes of being seated, he realized something. _You don’t even eat food. Why are you in here?_

Ahh. Must be out of habit.

Not wanting to be rude, Castiel ordered a coffee. When it arrived, he put down a ten dollar bill from an old leather wallet and left. That wallet was given to Castiel by Dean, a few Christmas’s ago. Dean told him that his father gave it to him when he turned 12. If you looked closely enough, you could see “DW” carved into one of the pockets. This made his heart ache.

Yes, Castiel was an angel of the lord, but as his powers were failing and heaven didn’t want him, there was no point in doing any sort of angelic duties. This meant he had to blend in, as human.

Castiel was, in fact, tired. Angels couldn’t normally sleep, but Castiel craved nothing more than a soft bed to lie down on. He checked into a small motel, put his bag down, and drifted off into the sweet release of sleep.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Dean sat in his room. He didn’t know what to do. For eleven years, give or take (from the times that they died), Dean lived in a world with Castiel by his side. Supporting him. Giving him endless trust and appreciation. And Dean took it all for granted, disregarding how much the angel cared for him.

Dean was still angry about Mary and Jack. But why did you let your anger cloud our judgement? Castiel loved you. Castiel wanted to feel loved back. And I let him down.

Should he call Cas? Text him? Track him down? And when he contacted him, what could Dean even say at this point? _Hey man, sorry I made you feel like shit, please come back, I need you. Forgive me, maybe? I mentally abused you and used you as a tool, sorry. No promises that I’ll stop my dangerous drinking habits or will be able to control my fits of unprecedented anger. Don’t worry, I still haven’t figured out how to express my emotions, but it’s not like that effects you…_

So Dean didn’t do anything. His head and heart were in tangles. He sat in his room, alone, wondering, _where did this all go wrong?_


	5. Chapter 5: I Can't Get Over the Way You Love Me Like You Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops sorry it took so long to get this out I have not been thriving  
but! here it is

Castiel had settled. Somewhat.

He rented a small motel room, in which he spent the majority of his time. At first, he wasn’t worried about human-esque things, like money or food. He replayed everything that had happened with Dean, trying to understand it all. But after a week of living out of the small, bleak room, alone with his thoughts, he realized that his money stash was running low. And he was hungry.

Did Castiel panic at this realization? Of course he did. The last time he had felt hunger was when he was human, so he knew what this meant. His powers were so weak, he was nearly human.

He would have reached out to someone years ago, but everyone was gone. Well, not entirely, as Sam kept texting Cas, wondering where he was. _Ah. Dean didn’t tell him what happened. Too afraid of his strong emotions, per usual._But, of course, the same could be said about Castiel. He kept telling himself to ignore the problems, that they were in the past. He could move on.

He wanted to respond, but at the same time, he couldn’t burden them with his problems. If he really were to become human, he would eventually die. Just as Dean wanted. After all, he was already Dead to him. Good. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

So Castiel got a job. With his minimal human experience, he wasn’t qualified for many jobs. After multiple failed interviews in the small town, he ended up working behind the counter at a coffee shop called Christopher’s Coffee House.He took people’s orders, did his best to spell people’s names correctly, restocked the cups and napkins, took out the trash, and wiped tables. He didn’t actually make the coffee, however. And somehow, Castiel never managed to meet Christopher.

The job was simple enough. Nothing was important enough where if he made a mistake, it would result in the death of someone’s mother. Perfect for a failed-angel like Castiel.

Castiel working there meant he was allotted one free coffee everyday, which he initially denied, but after a few weeks after his ability to become tired had set in, he began accepting.

He had fallen into a monotonous schedule, the exact opposite of how his life once ran. Wake up. Walk to work. Drink coffee. Take lunch break and buy a sandwich from the shop next door. Continue work. Empty the trash. Go back to the motel. Sleep.

But deep down, everything inside him needed something. This lifestyle wouldn't hold up long, it was just feeding into his depressive state. He needed hope. The problem was, he didn’t know how to find it anymore. Not without Dean. And if he couldn't find any, Castiel was going to break. 


End file.
